Letter to both my kids….

Dear  girl , dear  boy ,

Our topic today is ………2012 ………..

With that analytical characteristics in you, my girl, it is only natural that you search the web , read up what you can find , and ………

With the imaginative characteristics in you, my son, you are wondering whether to believe or disbelieve………..

Well, I am not interested to discuss whether it is really happening, as I am not the one to tell anyway. However, looking around us, the natural disasters that happen recently, I just want you to remember the Dhamma always.

We saw in the August flood in Taiwan & later in the Philipines, homes destroyed, lives lost . Families were torn apart, but life has to go on. Homes were swept away, but life has to go on. We just have to face it when it happened.The Buddha said,” Be at the moment “.

Look at the Tzu Chi volunteers who selflessly helped the victims. In Philipines it was reported in the Tzu Chi news, there is this man who has a set of Siamese twins.  Tzu Chi helped him years ago, to send the twins to Taiwan for operation. During this flood, he was one of the Tzu Chi volunteers, selflessly help to evacuate the flood victims.In Taiwan, there are volunteers who were busy helping the victims even though they have family members who were lost. Again , ” be at the moment “.

There are a lot that we can learn from life. Be mindful and you will notice that Dhamma is there. Remember the Four Noble Truth.

So, whatever happens, just be mindful of the present moment. Look into the Dhamma for your guidance.

Remember the teachings of the Buddha : ” Do good, avoid evil, purify your mind “.

What about 2012 then ? Well, both of you will graduate from universities in that year ! That’s another milestone !

Love you always,

Mama

 

Letter XIV / 09 – 4th yr

Darling girl ,

Each time you happily conveyed your good result, I am happy for you . Not because you get good result, but because you are moving towards the destination happily.

Today I read about this interview, and decided I must tell you about it. This is an interview by the Sinchew daily. This 20-year old girl is in the first batch of Malaysian students studying medicine at the Latin American school of Medicine in Cuba . There were only 6 of them and this was what she said………

Cuban health system emphasized on community services, not only by sending doctors to service the rural communities, they helped developing countries to train medical team too. The medical degree until now is not recognised by the Malaysian Medical Council. However, it is never an issue to her. To be in a job of rescuing lives,  it has no boundary, official recognition is just a decoration, professionalism and spirit of service is more important. The Cuban medical education stressed on ethics of  service to the poor, teaching the students to understand that accepting medical treatment is a human right, not a commercial good.

This girl has always wanted to join the border-less medical team.This scholarship fits in well and she is now 2nd year student there. Life there is tough according to her, but she takes it as a training to be independent. She says that if one only goes for comfortable environment to study, one will definitely surrender in bad condition, then one can never achieve the goal of becoming a border-less medical doctor helping the poor and needy . So, she says, it is a test of survival cooking your own meals or washing toilet, and a test of perseverance studying in a classroom without fan or air-conditioner during summer.  Communication is difficult and expensive there, hence making it condusive to study.

Well, I respect this girl’s determination to achieve her goal as much as I respect yours. Like what you always said, if you can survive there, you can survive anywhere in the world. Remember, there are many more places in this world which is even in worse condition , eg in Cuba . But, your conscience must always be clear  :  I want to help the needy , that’s my aim. However bad the environment is, I will face it . Then , you can really call yourself a doctor .

Strive hard, my girl. You are already halfway through.

Love you,

Mama

Letter XIII / 09 – 4th Yr

Darling girl ,

Today you had your first Operational Surgery MCQ in Russian ( I suppose  so ). You sounded relieved today , last night you sounded worried. I’m glad that it’s over now .

However, you gave mama another worry : you have spoken to each other through phone ! Oh wow ! I have never expected it to be this soon !

Well, I am not saying that I can’t accept  ‘ this person ‘ . Both dy & I can accept anyone you choose next time, as long as he is a nice, caring person who genuinely loves you. It is your life, if that is the person you choose, we will accept him. Colours, languages, or religion does not really matters to us because we are not living the rest of life with him. But you are.

We still feel that long distance friendship like this is too risky. We just can’t know for sure whether this person is genuine as he claimed to be. Further more, a software engineer working from home, can have the time to manipulate anything. It’s so easy to lie on internet .

Anyway, I am glad that you told me about him. Thanks for trusting mama . I hope you will seriously think it over carefully.

Love you,

Mama

Letter XII / 09 – 4th yr

Darling girl,

Heard that you get some ‘ scoldings ‘ from the professors last week . Once you said you actually had answered correctly but when it comes to the practical part, you were so nervous to get it done.

Well, darling,  do you realize that you told me this calmly, and this is already by itself an improvement ? Back in those days , you would be throwing your anger , complaining about the teachers and defending yourself ? Do you see that you are handling it maturedly this time ?

I am thrilled to hear you said that : ” Never mind , I will study even harder next time .” Yes, that is the positive approach you should have to condusive criticism like that. Listen to the critics, learn from mistakes , avoid committing the same mistakes again, improve , forget about critics and move on to SUCCESS. That should be the positive way.

Do not feel introvert because of  such ” scoldings ” . Such lecturers or professors may be the ones that are really knowledgable and caring. They may be the ones that produce the cream of the crop. They maybe the ones that we would remember for a long time. They maybe the  ones that make you better in the process. Appreciate her critics , learn , but never hold critics in heart for a long time. Let the ‘ scoldings ‘ be bygone, but remember the teachings which is condusive to your advancement. Let go and move on .

Glad that you take it with a shrug. This is already a great improvement . Study hard and prove her wrong. Prove to her that you are a piece of precious stone worthy to be polished, and in the end you will shine.

You WILL, I know.

Love you,

Mama

Letter XI / 09- 4th yr

Darling girl,

How do you feel now ? You must be feeling better, feeling great !

Well, darling, we can’t  stop other people from saying nasty things. We can’t block their mouth nor can we ask them not to make such baseless remarks. Sometimes, it hurts I know. But it is a condition beyond our control . So we have to learn to face them.

However, mama strongly believe that we can make some changes , changes within. It is like , in a way, to  armour ourselves so as not to be hurt, not to be affected. Then we can move on . Why not ?

When someone gets angry and said nasty or unpleasant things, he or she is not rational at that moment. He or she may just wants to provoke  feelings as they release their tension . If we gets upset or angered by these people, harm is done onto ourselves as well as to the relationship, or even to the other party. If we can stay calm, he or she can’t get anything out of it, and will finally give up and stops.

So, let’s work something on ourselves first. Each time you face situation like this, take a deep breath, explain as simple as it can be if you wish. Then , stop at that and start reading the chanting verses. If you feel calm , read the sutta once. If you feel disturbed and needs to calm yourself down, take a deep breath and do the metta bhavana. Send metta and then ask for forgiveness , three phases . End it by sharing the merits. I assure you this way definitely helps; even if it does not help the other , it helps ourselves to feel better and not affected emotionally. This is what we have learned from the Buddha’s dhamma. Let the Dhamma guides you through.

Talking about asking for forgiveness, that does not mean that the situation arises because of you. It may not be your fault at all . However, sometimes, we take it so bad that we can’t let go. Holding on to emotion like this even when it had passed, is bad for ourselves. So we seek forgiveness to move on. Many times, people can’t forgive themselves and can’t move on. So , let’s learn to forgive others, and forgive ourselves, and move on. Life has to move on.

Now, in another way, be positive. Take a few minutes each day, sit down comfortably on your chair. Relax with your eyes closed. Count down from 10 to 1 and tell yourself ,eg : she will learn to appreciate friendship. I will be better and stronger each day. Success will be mine. Say quietly in your mind a few times. If possible, see the success like a movie in your mind . Then say : when I count from 1 to 3, I will be awake and feel better, when I count to 5, I ‘m fresh awake and feel great.

We must condition our minds to be positive. Do not mention this situation as : difficult, very difficult. If you keep focusing this way, it will be set this way. Delete the negativity, changed it to positive energy. Put in effort to change the situation. Mama strongly believe you can.

In life, we will meet many people – some will remain our friends a long time, the true friends; some will just appear in one of the scenes and disappear soon after that. She may be just here for a while, and disappear after graduation, never to be seen again in this life. So, why bother to be disturbed by her ?

Mama love you and will always be here for you. Be positive.

Love you,

Mama

Letter X /09 – 4th yr

Darling girl,

Great that things have fallen into places fast this round, and you are just fine . Great !

Heard that the operational surgery lectures are tough as it is conducted in Russian. Well, I’m sure given time, you will manage well. Do not worry my girl, it takes time. Have short moments of loving -kindness thoughts before & after the lectures. Calm yourself everytime attending lectures. You will sure find the challenges well worth it .

You have reacted in the right move , by working harder at the subject . That’s just great . I’m happy for you. The effort may have taken away some leisure when you can play games online, but being serious and learn the subject well is your priority. Playing games or long-distant chatting with someone so unreal remains a leisure. Your main aim here is to study to be a qualified medical doctor , and a good one if allowed.

I can feel that lessons are more challenging from now on…not only that lectures or practicals are not to be neglected, interaction with people will also comes in later. This may not be a honeymoon year but I’m sure it will bring more impact on your career. Do it sincerely, full-heartedly, mindfully. Groom yourself to be a better person as well as a good medical doctor.

I’m sure you can do it with ease, but first, love yourself and take good care of yourself .

Love you,

Mama

Letter IX/ 09 – 4th yr

Darling girl ,

1 September 2009 – your fourth year begins………..

Heard that you had lecture today , all in Russians with the Russians . It was tough  you said .

Well, darling , we have faith in you. You can overcome any problems , as long as you are calm and mindful. Don’t worry, really. This is just the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Just like this :

Chapters 1 – 5 , you learned everything in English ; Chapter 6 – 12 , you have Mandarin & BM , at the same time , Chapters 11 -13 you add in Japanese. Then Chapters 18 – 23 you will learn Russians. It’s life , going on & on.

So, the first few lectures may be tough. It’s because you are not familiar  with it yet. Give yourself sometime to adapt, and you will soon find yourself on track. We still want you to pick up German , if you have time , and plan for your future.

Didi is now planning for his future, not just looking at the  three years, but he is also looking at possibilities beyond the three years. I hope you will seriously look into that too. You have three more years to graduate and it’s about time to start planning now.

Be mindful spiritually, physically  & emotionally always.

Love you,

Mama

Letter VIII/09 – 4th yr

Darling girl ,

Ma was excited to write this letter after talking to you last night .

Over the phone, when you told me that you have helped shifted your roomate’s  belongings and not grumbled over it, I was touched ! For two years you have done her this favour even though it was not easy…..last year helped to shift her big luggage to fifth floor, and this year helped to shift her things from fifth floor to the new hostel. Both time she was still back home . By the time she reach the hostel, her things are all there for her .

As a mother, I can’t help being a little selfish when I heard that she delayed going back there , and expect you to help her in all these shifting. I do not want her to make use of you , even though my Dhamma is alarming me to be compassionate. However, I was just too happy when I heard you said that : never mind, just take it that I do more good deeds and collect more merits helping people.

Wow, you are so considering and caring ! You will have good merits , definitely , for being so kind. I am sure you will have another successful year in your studies, and many more successes in future. With this positive, kind thoughts, you will sail smoothly to your destination.

Both daddy & I were so happy to hear you say that. We are very very proud of you, darling .

May the Triple Gem bless and protect you always.

Love you,

Mama

Letter VII/09 – 4th yr

Darling girl ,

It’s just been a week since you went back to study, and I am now writing the 7th letter ! Just how much I worry about you.

Glad that you have settled down within this week in some way …… got your things partly done, got your belongings back, etc. Do not worry about things damaged or lost in the process. It had happened , let it go. What is more important now is to prepare yourself to face the future. Whatever things damaged or lost , think of those hurricane victims in Taiwan who had lost the whole house. Be thankful that you can get new ones. I know you felt sad to need to buy new ones, but let’s prepare for the sunny days after the storm, so that we can stride out to help others who are more unfortunate.

The way you handled the situation showed that you are matured enough to take care of yourself , and that is really a consolation for ma. Ma will continue to support you spiritually and emotionally. The goal is not too far away now . Be confident, be strong to walk on .

You are so compassionate to help the juniors , or anyone in need of help . However, remember also the Buddha’s words : be wise , and associate with the wise . Sometimes you may need to be firm and put your foot down to say : NO.  I know you are so compassionate that you find it hard to turn them down . Well, you have to learn to say NO sometimes !

Wish that you will have access to internet soon , and be able to read my letters.

Love you always,

Mama

Letter VI / 09 – 4th yr

Darling girl,

What a relief for me when I heard you said that ” it is  actually easier this round, that at least I do not have to worry about shelter  “. Yes, it definitely is a relief for both dy and me knowing that you have shelter when you arrived. And now, it is a bonus for ma knowing that you take it bravely, to face all circumstances.

My dear girl, this training is really something for all of us. It isn’t only for you, for us too . For dy, he is seeing his darling girl growing up to a better person ; and strongly believes that his girl will be a good doctor in future . For ma, I am watching changes in you of course, and I also get the chance to look within – my girl is growing up, I have to be with you along the way but not obstructing you. Be with you, stay behind you and let you walk bravely to the front stage now. Soon you will be walking to the centre stage confidently, and I should go to the back stage…….this is life. For didi, he is seeing the way you face hindrances, and prepare himself for his future journey. You have shown him well.

My dear girl, you have done well. In three more years time, you will reach the front stage. The centre stage will be there when you start work, and later maybe start your family. Soon, three years not a long time , you have to plan for your future. Remember that opportunity sometimes only knock once, you have to be mindful and not let it slip away. See, you have the chance to be near Europe now, if you do not explore out but follow the current and let it sweep you home, there may not be another chance for you to go out far again.

Throughout this training , be mindful of what you want in life. Be positive and work it out. By the time you graduated, you will have to lead your own life , the way you wanted it hopefully. All of us do . When you get on with yours, we have to get on ours…..like in ” UP ” maybe .

Ma will keep on chanting for you , doing Dana and share merits with you. While you grow up academically and professionally, you must grow spiritually too. Remember what many little things Reverend Vimala said the other day ( of impermenance, of duties, etc ). I think he is wise to give those advices. May the triple Gem be with you always.

When things don’t seem to be right, calm down, take a few minutes of rest, have metta, change the mindset to positive channel ; and you will see things differently. All will be well again. May you be well and happy always.

Love you,

mama